Somewhere between Zen and Miserable, 21 days in a Buddhist Monastery (part. 1)

Now trying to explaining this in written words does not truly do it justice, so if you want the fullest explanation of my spiritual experience you will have to sit down with me over a cup of tea. Here is my best attempt to describe one of the most incredible and difficult experiences of my life, this may be a long blog more likely two and I will break it down as easily as I can. I contemplated writing this right after the experience but life seemed to keep distracting me until now two months later I actually put this blog together. I was at first worried because the clarity of my brain at that point was such a different degree than it is now. However in a way, this is a more real representation of the lasting degrees of what an experience like that can work on the human brain and perspective instead of the honeymoon Zen like week that followed it. Even almost a month after the experience, it is pretty magical the lasting impression it has made.
To begin with I will start with some details:

This was a 21 day(use to be 26) mindfulness of breathing Vipassana-Meditation Course in English at the Northern Insight Meditation Center WAT RAMPOENG (TAPOTARAM) Buddhist Monastery In Chiang Mia, in the North of Thailand. http://www.palikanon.com/vipassana/tapotaram/tapotaram.htm for a basic outline on the meditation and place, and a clear look of this info in better words than mine, if you read this link you can skip a lot of blog one which is more the details. I will get to my experiences more in blog two, this was just to lay it out in order for my own sake.

This large monastery has a population of:
50-70 regular monks
3 lady monks
40ish boy monks (boys ages 8-18)
80ish nuns
Between 60-150 Thai students (depending on the time and Buddhist holidays, part of Thai Buddhist religion says you should spend some time each year at a monastery)
Between 20-60 foreign students

Upon entering this monastery you must agree to stay at least 10 days, and if you leave earlier you must inform the instructing monk as an opening and closing ceremony are part of the ritual and it is very disrespectful to leave without seeing your teacher. The first instructions I received from my instructing monk Phra Chan Bodin, (he was the toughie Instructor in the good monk/bad monk relationship, and a funny, short guy with difficult to understand english was: no leaving the grounds, you must wear white, no talking unless asking questions to your teacher, instructor or a few other students and talking must be minimal, no looking, no touching, no books, no electronics, walking slow, eating slow, “knowing, knowing, knowing.” These three words I would hear in my dreams as I would be reprimanded various times in the first few confusing days for breaking one of these rules, generally for walking fast, talking or looking. Upon reading the guide on the course he asked me and the two other English speaking students beginning with me at the time (one Richard from Georgia, and other Collin from Singapore) if we really want to do this? “This is no joke, this is serious” he said “you and yourself and no one else” now I found out at a later time when whispering to some other students and seeing a few myself that this is as far as many foreigners get within the course. Many politely say thank you and that they are probably not ready or this is probably not for them. I believe even this shows amazing bravery that your willing to come in and see what the hell these crazy people do for such a long time as even 10 days. Because in truth, it is impossible to look at this experience and not see it at least decently crazy. I have had 5 year’s experience dabbling in meditation and I arrived thinking in the front of my brain that I would do the 10 day course. However the back of my brain and my heart knew I would be there for 21 days or die trying in the attempt.( I truly felt like the dying part regularly during this experience). However even the few three day retreats and my 7 days at the Ashram did not prepare truly for this experience.

A regular day looks like this for me:
4am: Wake up to Gongs
4-6am: Meditation, walking and sitting
6:30-7am: Breakfast, meals in silence, prayers said before each meal and prostrating( bowing three times before and after to the Buddha statue in the room for respect)
7:00-7:30am: Raking
7:30-1030: Showering(cold water only), cleaning of room and balcony, and meditation walking and sitting.
9:30am: Usual meeting with your teacher, time changes daily.
10:30-11: Lunch with prayers and prostration
11-11:30: Raking aka whisper time with a few other students about our misery
12:30pm: Last chance to eat for the day (you were allowed to get snacks and sweets from the small store on grounds), after this time you may still drink soy milks or other drinks for energy.
12:30-5: Meditation walking and sitting, either on the grounds, in your room or on your balcony, in the Library, and Temple as long as there was no other function or chanting going on in either.
5-5:30pm: Energy drink meal (usually a thin warm soup, pumpkin or fruit of the sort)
5:30-10pm: Walking or sitting meditation
10pm: Bed time

Now day one was with our instructor and on day two we would meet with our teacher (the good monk in the good monk/bad monk relationship) and once a day with our teacher every day. We would meditation 5 hours, walking 15 minutes, sitting 15 minutes in succession with an occasional bathroom break. Day one was difficult but manageable. Day two is when it began to get tough It was 8 hours meditation, 20 minutes walking 20 sitting. This would grow an hour more and 5 minutes more walking and sitting each day until we were meditating 12 hours a day (or trying to) and walking one hour sitting one hour.

Bangkok and a Broken Train

Flying from Sydney into Bangkok was such a bizarre experience in that you really feel like your stepping from one world into the next when you think of South East Asia. Bangkok is a crazy large pulsing mass of a city and you begin to get a feel that you are defiantly not in Kansas anymore, if in fact you have ever been to Kansas or ever reference the Wizard of Oz. After an hour or so, one train, and a decent walk I find the hostel Suk11, hands down one of the cooler looking guesthouses I have ever stayed at in my life, and I have seen a few. Recommended to me by a friend and rocking and expensive cost for Thailand (private room with bathroom $15 a night) The lounges and entry way are stuffed with Antique objects and Buddha’s and the halls look like old town wooden Thai Ally complete with indoor tin roofs and de cored like the outside of houses. Heading out into Bangkok to see things feels like being an ant entering a giant backyard. You know there must be a limit but you feel so small. The first thing I did, and I read not to get Tuk Tuk’s if you want to get around fast, instead rent a bike Taxi(as in motor bike), which I have heard is a must do but is also crazy.

I found one and after a haggle on price to bring me downtown he hands me a helmet and I get on, what the cuss did I get myself into? We zoom off through rush hour traffic at an alarming rate driving based on the law don’t die. I assumed as we zig zagged in-between vans trucks and cars that the basic laws of the road do not apply to Bikes and the like, watching us do what I have seen bikes do on television and TV when they show traffic in third world countries. Coming within inches of nearby vehicles I mix between nervous laughter and shrikes that pull nothing but chuckles from my driver who must do this every day. By the end I had broken a sweat and my knuckles were sore from clutching the handles with a godlike force I didn’t know I possessed, basically I was hooked. I took three more of these in my two days site seeing the city. After I went to see the Grand Palace, a beautiful collection of Temples, Shrines and Palaces housing golden Stupa’s, Buddah’s, Wallpaints and so much spirituality I could barely get my head around it. Though after a few days of wandering this packed smoggy city I was ready to head North and begin meditation, but first was the train journey.

Now I booked not the sleeping train which I heard are lovely but the second class ones with decent reclining seats and cheaper. Now I sleep fine on Airplanes and buses so I didn’t think this was going to be a problem. We got a meal and I settled into my large seat on a car filled mostly with Thai people. I drifted in and out of sleep as we swung out of Bangkok past beautiful little towns and quant Thai train stations filled with old men and dogs and further until we swam through darkness and jungle. I felt us around midnight going up a hill at the slowest speed and some commotion up front, but I just drifted off to sleep again, and awoke suddenly maybe a half an hour later being shaken by a women and told something I spoke little to no Thai. Everyone began getting off the bus and I assumed it was a break or something of the sort, but the lady starts pointing to my bags and the lights start dimming and I know something isn’t right. We all get out and we are standing in the middle of no wear, no lights no houses just jungle and my clock reads 3:35am. Now my exhausted, confused mind thinks maybe we are getting robbed but finally a conductor walks by as I get off the train and points and says “broken”. We stand there for another 20 minutes in the dark semi rain in the middle of the jungle and I start thinking, “welcome to Thailand when finally another train comes on another rail. Following the others lead we jump on board filling every empty bed left on the place, luckily it was a sleeping train, not a bad trade. The next 8 hours to Buddha time will be in style.